deviant art

Deviant Login Shop
 Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
[x]
Download File
HTML, 3.3 KB
more ▶

More from ~AdeaciaSky

Featured in Groups:

Details

October 13, 2011
3.3 KB
Link
Thumb

Statistics

Comments: 4
Favourites: 1 [who?]

Views: 60 (0 today)
Downloads: 6 (0 today)
[x]
I found myself in a parking lot, trapped against the cold building wall by six werewolves. They were half human, half wolf. Standing on two legs, with thick gray fur, bared fangs, and six-inch long claws that looked like they could easily rip me to shreds. The huge shadows cast by the streetlights looked even more menacing then the wolves did.

"I'm amazed," I said. "You guys actually have me on the defensive." There were only six of them. They should've posed no threat to me at all, but for some reason I just couldn't seem to beat these guys.

The biggest one spoke. "We've got you outmatched you puny fox. Just surrender and make it easier on yourself. Or, you could continue to resist and make it more fun for us," he said with an evil smile. His voice was harsh, as one would expect from a werewolf.
  
In my most confident, cocky voice I said, "You may be stronger, but this fox is too fast for you to even hit."

They lunged right at me. I leapt straight up to try to avoid them but one of their claws managed to slice my foot. I cringed in pain as I landed on the roof of the two-story building I had been trapped behind. I heard something behind me and turned around just in time to dodge an energy blast. 'When did they learn how to do that?' I asked myself.

The blast struck the spot I was standing at, causing a bright flash. I heard an explosion and the sound of glass shattering. I put up my arms to block any shrapnel when the shock wave pushed me right off of my feet, knocking my back into the gravel of the roof. Before I even had a chance to move, their leader pounced and pinned me to the ground, leaving me helpless.

I watched as he raised his arm to strike a possibly fatal blow. I closed my eyes and waited for it, but nothing happened. I felt him release me and looked to see why he didn't finish me off. I saw him looking over at the horizon for a moment, before running off along with the others. I watched as they leapt off of the building and into the nearby forest.

'What's going on here?' I wondered. I looked at the sky and noticed the sun had begun to rise. Daylight is something I never liked, yet it had saved me. I looked around at the damage caused by the fight, which was thankfully nothing major. I heard sirens in the distance, no doubt responding to the recent explosion. Having no interest in any humans spotting me, I took off.

I ran across the building rooftops quickly and quietly. I had gotten deeper into the city when I received a message. I rolled down my right glove so I could use the communicator on my arm underneath.

"Roxy, I noticed a disturbance in your area. Report." It was my boss Malego.

"It wasn't much. Just a group of werewolves that attacked me. They blew out the windows of an abandoned building, nearly killed me, then took off into the forest. Most likely because of daybreak. No one saw anything."

"Just your average night then."

"Pretty much. Except for the fact that those werewolves weren't your usual garden variety. Like I said, they almost killed me."

"I'd like to hear about this, but it's too late now. Come see me first thing tonight."

"I'll be there."
:iconadeaciasky:
So I'm finally posting it. The beginning of my main project, Alien Hunters.

Those of you that saw the original version of this will notice that I didn't change all that much. I liked how the comic was going and had the scene somewhat match up with what is going on there.

It's not as good as I'd like, I'm not good enough at writing yet to get it how I'd really want it to be but I think its better than what I originally posted on this site a few years ago on my old account.

Please tell me what you like/don't like and how to improve. I want to get better at writing. I'm still not that good and I know it.

Also, I can't seem to get the paragraphs to indent properly. Can anyone tell me how I can do that?

The comic version of this can be found here [link]
Add a Comment:
 
:iconmae2588:
It's a great story...though I don't think you need to describe what a werewolf looks like...instead maybe put the discription, not mentioning it's a werewolf until after the point of them running off due to day break.....saying six werewolves, then descibing a typical werewolf appearence kinda stretches that spot for too long and can cause a reader to get bored. everyone knows what a werewolf looks like.
Reply
:iconadeaciasky:
~AdeaciaSky Oct 31, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
If I didn't describe it, people would complain that I didn't. I can't win in this case.
Reply
:iconmae2588:
that's y i'm saying to describe the creature and just say its a werewolf a bit later in the chapter..simply cuz they left upon daybreak.
It's a great story in either case tho ^.^
Reply
:iconmysticdreamer543:
Both your writing and the comic amaze me. I am not a good critique whatsoever, but I seriously enjoyed this. I was rather surprised when Foxy nearly got killed in the Prologue! Especially by werewolves... Thank goodness for the sun rising. And I'm interested in if the scratch from the werewolf will have any effect on her...

Anyway, I personally believe that this is a good work of fiction. Can't wait to read more if/when you post it. I know this is far from a critique as you wished to have but I figured you'd wish to receive a comment from a fan. :)
Reply
Add a Comment: